Nighttime sexytime failure

What a negative headline, you may think, and at the end of the post you may think that I Am indeed looking at the negative rather than all the positives. It has been a successful funday Sunday. And like a stupid joke, as the clock strikes twelve and Sunday turns to Monday, my luck turns too.

Are we still married? Yeah.

After a successful matinee show, having struggled through the whole play being sleepy and unfocused, I rejected my theater friends’ Sunday-traditional outing, wanting to go home, to rest and spend time with my husband. We immediately went grocery shopping, got dinner, watched our favorite shows and had a short but sweet sex session, before we pigged out some more with ice cream until we barely could move. The Sex, was good, but very very short, my husband tried to tease me for a little while which does indeed help me, it makes me wetter and it makes the first few minutes less painful. But I had an inkling that I wouldn’t get much out of it while we started as we were both in a lazy mood so I got my vibrator and had a nice quick orgasm while we were making out and I watched him touch himself. We then did a little bit of one of our fantasies, him being a young student and me his teacher, and yeah he played his role well as he came after a MINUTE. He wasn’t really holding back as I’m assuming he thought it was okay to cum early since I had already had my fix. He was a little embarrassed however and his teacher comforted him by saying; “That’s normal for young boys.. not to worry. And the good news is, your big cock will be ready to go again later..” And we snuggled and watched tv.

He fell asleep, and I was watching a movie, reading some blogs, then I got horny and thought I’d sneak over to his bed and wake him up pleasantly being naked and luring him into having sex with me. I’ve attempted this before ( four months ago) and it didn’t end very well. He was so sleepy and got grumpy and rejected me pretty harshly, and  I took it pretty badly. We have discussed it many times, and he insists that that wont happen again, and there is NO way he would reject me if he woke up with me blowing him in the middle of the night. And GOD knows how many times he has woken ME up when I was sleeping or Just about to sleep. But my attempt tonight AGAIN… failed. Miserably.

I started stroking him and he woke up, moved away and said I was so hot. I got a little upset but tried not to take it too seriously as he had insisted before that it would work. I try again, kissing hm and stroking, he turned around and made a grunt, ad I said “don’t you wanna cuddle?” and he replied; “No, Let me sleep.” And rolled over. I moved back over to the futon. After I had cried for a while, he asked is I was okay. I didn’t answer. He said it was nothing personal, and that he thought we should sleep as we have to get up early tomorrow. Yeah.. I have to get up at 6:30 and he has to get up at 11. And here I am. Quarter past one, writing.. while he is sleeping away.

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A little Lonely

Kangaroo - Cuddly toy - stuffed animal - Teddy bear - Cute Kangaroo - sleeping

It’s been a little up and down this week, and last night I confronted my stressed out husband about how I’ve felt. He’s got exams coming up, and this is only his second week back in school. He hasn’t really been working as productively, I’ve noticed that too, he’s been juggling Work, School, Being a commissioner of a Fantasy football league, and Homework pretty well. But he isn’t really taking time to spend quality time with me. Because when he is done with all of this, he either needs to sleep, eat or take some ‘me time’. And to be honest, it has left me feeling quite lonely.

I’ve been quite busy too, and I feel like I’ve utilized that in the hours when we are sitting on our separate computers, and doing our own thing. I’ll be quiet, but occasionally comment or something or ask a question. And this is ALL fine really, but in addition to this, he is moody and impatient with me. I came home the other day from my first day at my new job, I had only worked four hours but I had gotten up early after little sleep, so I was tired but excited, and I had a show later that night at the theater. He asked me how it was, but kept zoning out and staring at the football game on TV as I was talking. After a while I made a joke about it and lied down to rest, and hoped that he would overcompensate and continue the conversation, or at least apologize. I fell asleep after a while.

As I was sleeping, I woke up needing some water, and I said that he didn’t need to keep Seinfeld on the TV, and I said he could change the channel. But He said it was okay as he knew I’d sleep better to this. – I have suffered a bit from insomnia and struggle to sleep without sound. Later I woke up again to the sound of fingers clicking a controller. He was playing Madden, and the TV is right next to the bed, so I woke up from that single sound, as it was solely that sound. I kept rolling around a bit, since the silence got my mind to race.. and I was plagued by the silence. I fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep, woke up. Then I said, thinking that he had kept the sound off, for my sake; “I’d actually prefer it if you had the sound on I think.” He just said yeah and kept playing. After a little while I added, “So What I am saying is, can you turn the sound on?” And he just mumbled annoyed back to me, and I rolled over. I woke up later after a SHITTY nap, and he was all huffing and puffing around, getting ready to go to the gym. Then he threw the remote control on to where I was lying, and I asked what was up.

He didn’t like how I had said to turn the sound up. And he thought that I was being inconsiderate. I said I thought he was inconsiderate when I came home and he didn’t listen to me. And he started ranting on about how busy he is, with homework, and that he needed to get on with his day, so I should take that into consideration and bla bla bla, and he had just woken up when I came home… (Like I had just then). As he came back from the gym later he wasn’t in much better of a mood. And we left each other in an unsettled mood when we went to work.

When I was in the theater getting ready to go onstage, he texted me; “I;m sorry babe, I’m stressed out about the exams, and I shouldn’t take it out on you. I’m just being grumpy today. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I accepted it and said we needed to talk it out later as I wasn’t happy and we needed a new strategy for his stress levels and for me to get some romance out of our mundane lives. The talk was long and it took us a while to get anywhere. I expressed how I felt a little like he wasn’t IN love with me. And that he didn’t give me the same focus as he does on everything else that he does so well, because around me he wants to shut down and just watch TV, like we are best buddies all the time. We talked through trying to give him more QUIET no TV time to study, and strategies for that. It was good.

Later as I was sleeping on the futon, (The bed has given me back problems,) and he was on the bed, he came over to me and spooned me for a Looong time, stroking my back and arms, holding me. He rarely does this, and when he does he doesn’t do it for long. He gets so hot so quickly, and he gets tired of stroking. I couldn’t believe it, AND we were watching a Holocaust movie which is my favorite genre. I thin sleeping in separate beds for a week also contributed to not feeling that closeness. I fell asleep before the movie was over…! (miracle) and I slept like a BABY!

If ANYONE has read ALL of this, then… thank you ! Well done.. haha. I bet it’s been boring and self-indulgent even. But if anyone take anything from this, or enjoying reading it in the slightest, Please comment! Let me know..! I would love some feedback. xxx LW

Quiet monday

So… we are not talking now..? At all?

Today My husband went to school around noon, and I went to the beach with a good friend of mine, (a male friend) and had a blast catching up together, about life, ambitions, news, his girlfriend, my husband, all that stuff. I KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT THINK, but NO, seriously, I am not one of those stupid women that THINK that they have a platonic friendship with a guy, who ACTUALLY would jump at the word ‘GO’ to bang you. I know those kind of guys, and I don’t entertain friendships with them now that I am married. My friend is a good buddy, and he isn’t like that. He respects our marriage, and we don’t fancy each other that way at all. That much was clear after we slept together that one time years ago, and never did it again. – We went for lunch and talked for a while more, then he drove me home and invited me and the husband to a game night down the street with some friends of ours.

I came home to my husband who hugged me and greeted me kind of nicely, but there was a sort of distance there, right from the start. We chatted while snuggling in bed, and I could tell that he was in that jealous grumpy mood, but nicely tried to remain neutral and relatively positive. Anyway, he politely rejected the game night offer, (like I knew he would) And we decided to go to Walmart to get some dinner and to look for a top mattress for our bed, as I’ve been sleeping really badly and had back problems and a stiff body. I also suggested to get me a water bottle, as the water in my plastic bottle got so hot at the beach today even though I kept it in the shade, in the bag, I was worried the plastic would kind of melt into the water etc. He was skeptical already then, and said, ‘Yeah if you think the juice is worth the squeeze’. At the moment he is the only one working, so I wanted his opinion, although I wasn’t planning on buying like a really expensive bottle.

We strolled to Walmart hand in hand, chatting away, but as soon as we entered the store, tension rose, as it usually does as he gets uncomfortable and very task focused. He is impatient, and hates when people are walking slowly in front of us. And he doesn’t like it when I don’t take the shopping seriously, and suggest things, and look at things that aren’t on the list. He stood for a while and looked at some different razors, picked one and got a shower sponge, we kept walking around a bit, I was teasing him a little, and stroking his back, which I know he likes. Then as I was talking away about stuff I could feel the interest decrease and the irritation building slightly, so I shut up for a while, until we got further into the store. He was trying to find mattresses, and on the way I sort of walked off towards this cool offer of painting stuff. As I could imagine he would think to himself ‘We are looking for a mattress for HER and she’s just flying around in lala land.’ I hurried and fount him. There were no cheap mattresses, but there was  a good foam one, which was like $113 , and I just saw his negative face, I was reading it and checking it out and he started waling. I said, ‘how much money do you want to spend on it?’ ‘Not that much money’. Then we kept walking towards the shelf with bottles. And as I spent kind of a while looking at the different types of bottles, none of them were exactly what I wanted, but they were like $7, and I’ve been drinking out of the same plastic smart water bottle for months, and even though I clean it it’s looking like shit. I asked him what he thought as he was standing there loosing his patience, ‘Which one should I get?’ ‘Well they don’t have the things that you said that you needed them for.’ I kept looking for a while, but I was getting stressed out feeling his eyes burning my neck, then I just said, let’s go. And put the bottles back. We paid, walked back home, cooked dinner, saying almost NOTHING, not asking one another what is the matter, I did all the dishes, he was laying on the couch watching tv, said nothing, and is still saying nothing.

Now he is brushing his teeth. I have a feeling that if I don’t say anything, LIKE I ALWAYS DO, nothing will be said, and he will soon lay down and say, ‘goodnight.’ And I will lay down to sleep later with fury in my belly.

What a way to wake up

I felt gentle stroking… Warm hands touching me gently, stroking my back and arms… I slowly woke up, stirred, kept still, enjoying the stroking…. Then I looked up. And I saw my husbands warm tanned face looking down at me. At first I quickly remembered that I was grumpy at him, and that I had sent him s complaining message at five in the morning since I hadn’t been able to sleep after our little arguement, while he was snoooooring away.

I rested my head back on the pillow again and remembered that I was on the couch and we had slept separately, as we sometimes do, when it gets too hot, but this was for a bad reason. He was still stroking me. Then he started saying; ” so what I hear you saying…” And he went through the whole communication thing that we had been practicing at the marriage councellor, just as I had asked in the message I sent. He gave me exactly what I wanted, he told me he understood and that he was sorry.

I thanked him and grabbed him and held him close… We cuddled for a while and I thought to myself that I was the luckiest wife in the world. Then he left for work… And I wormed myself over to the bed, went back to sleep.. Smiling…