Unsupported

For a while now I have felt alone in my faith in myself. I work hard at everything I do, perhaps not so hard at sticking to my diet and working out but, I am trying to make opportunities for myself, as well as paying the bills in a job that I am happy in.

My mother doesn’t get what I do. And my asshole father isn’t in the picture so forget about him. My family are all far away, so I am here, with my husband, and he just doesn’t show any interest in what I do. He doesn’t come to any of the events i facilitate, he doesn’t read my material, he doesn’t ask to. He doesn’t ask to see anything I’ve made, and when I sometimes ask, he’ll reject the offer politely. It might as well has been a rude rejection, it hurts just as much.

Fuck them all.

My mother comes with shitty unsupportive comments, picking me apart, trying to steer me in a different direction, a direction she likes. I’ve gotten better at taking criticism, and sometimes just leaving something alone, when I want to defend myself.

I don’t know why, but despite it all, I believe in myself. I believe I can succeed. Why? Nobody’s telling me I can do it, that I am good enough. Anyone who does is not a constant in my life, or not even that close to me. Should it matter what they think? Does it mean anything? Should it matter what my husband thinks, and my family?

Am I doing it for myself? No. But it would be nice to be with someone who gets it, and who makes me feel like I am doing good, that he is interested, fascinated, that he LIKES it. THAT, makes me think of divorce. To just be alone. Why should I be with someone who doesn’t show that he cares.

Are we still married? Yes.

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2 thoughts on “Unsupported

  1. Ha! I can’t really like this, as it reminds me so much of my own ex.
    I agree. He doesn’t have to love doing what you do, nor does he have to want to do it with you. But to show you that he has some interest in what you do, that he understands that the time you spend doing it is well spent, that it lifts your spirit if nothing more (and how important lifting your spirit is!)… This should be part of marriage. If you can’t share what is so important to you with the person you share your life with, what’s the point sharing a life with them?
    I think the thing is: he should be happy to see joy on your face, and if talking about this to him brings you joy, he should be happy and take an interest. He doesn’t need to understand why it brings you such joy, it doesn’t need to bring *him* joy, but… if it brings joy to you, it should be important to him, he should be supportive of you doing it, not dismissive (like transpires from your post. Or maybe it’s me putting memory in place of your words).
    As for family… they should be supportive too. Happy for you, if nothing more. It is difficult, isn’t it?
    Good luck…
    Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

    • It IS difficult. Thank you so Much Dawn. And like you said, what is the point in sharing our lives then? It’s something we’ve talked about a few times, and after I wrote the post too. And he admits that he needs to show it more and try harder, and insists that he supports me, believes in me and all that. So… slowly forward we go. Anyway, thanks for YOUR support!

      Liked by 1 person

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