And here it is… finally. After all this time, after I’ve felt him judging me silently, after he has mentioned during every argument that I am not “busy” enough.. he called me lazy.
I am so angry. It makes me want to tear up his stuff and leave. Go home to my family.
Right before Christmas a family member died, and my closest family are all grieving. I am not there. I won’t be there for them, I wasn’t there to help out in Christmas, to help out prepare for the funeral, and I wont be there for the funeral. Not having been there I’ve been okay, but sad and guilty thinking about them. Arguments with him makes this harder to accept. It makes me think of the D word. A LOT.
Why is it I always have to prove myself to him? He has never had to prove himself to me? He does say, “I know I’m not perfect.. but..” Fuck off! Honestly! GO FUCK YOURSELF ON YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE! Jesus. I’m so mad at him. I texted him at work. I know I shouldn’t have. But I was so mad I couldn’t control myself. Fuck. He thinks I’m weak. He thinks I’m lazy. Too sensitive. That I don’t pull my weight around the house. Ha ha ah ha. OOohhhh about time we get a new couples counsellor .
Why do I CARE? Because I love him madly. If I didn’t I wouldn’t put up with this SHIT. If we weren’t married, I would have left long ago. That might sound bad but Its probably true.