Since I moved here I have been taken my medication for my hypothyroidism that I brought from home. I finished the box a few months ago, and my mother sent me another from my last prescription from back home. I finished that box just over two weeks ago, and totally forgot about up until Friday, where I realized that I had been so tired all week. I can’t believe that I have been so irresponsible.
I have felt so heavy, sleepy, yet not really slept well. I have been so tired, and struggling through the days, skipping the gym, and when I went to the gym I only managed 20 min of cardio instead of my regular 40. My husband is constantly asking me if I am okay, as I apparently seem a little down. I have been distant, and disorganized, I’ll plan things ahead before going to work, or interviews or doing whatever task lies ahead, and then I seem to mess it up somehow. I forget things.
I know this sounds silly, but it saddens me that I need medication to function normally. It’s not a big deal and I am so lucky! I am so lucky that it’s only that. Nothing else, I just have to take ONE pill every day for the rest of my life, and yet I managed to mess that up. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I am lucky that I am healthy, it’s just a little depressing. The same sad feeling I get when I take off my contacts at night and realize that without them I am BLIND. I guess it’s the feeling of not being in total control of myself. I love the fact that I make good choices, that I plan ahead, am organized despite my scatty and artistic nature, that I am always on time, and that I am getting into better shape. I don’t drink or smoke, and I don’t do drugs, I don’t want anything interfering with my brain. As I have dealt with all things good and bad, myself, with my own strong mind. Death, sickness, love, friendship, family feuds, failure, poverty. And now, that I don’t have this pill, although things are great and I am trying to be as structured and self-disciplined as usual… It’s harder.
Well, a week from now, I’ll have my pillbox full of my little helping pill, and I’ll be back to the focused, energized self!